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Women may not leave because of religious reasons. They stay because they have no money, no bank account, they don't speak English, they are afraid Social Services will take away their children. They stay because they love him. They stay because no one believes them. They stay because they have nowhere else to go. Her time is no longer her own. Often he will "time" her. For example he may say "Get the milk, it should take you twelve minutes". He will stand by the door and time her. She knows she better be back in 12 minutes or he will beat her. There is no way or time to call for help or plan a get-away. Every waking minute is spent on energy just placating him to stay alive. "How do I recognize if my employee is a battered woman?" Some signs to look for might include:
"Why shouldn't I simply terminate the employee"? To terminate the employee is to victimize her (or him) all over again. The abuser needs to be consequenced, not the victim. Since approximately one out of four woman become victims, it is not prudent to fire them all. Making a strong stance against domestic violence is the better solution. " I'm the battered employee…what should I do?" Talk to your supervisor or EAP counselor; let them know what you need. Do you need a different parking space? Does your desk need to be moved away from a window? Managers can't help you unless they know what your circumstances are. Submit a photo to co-workers or security. Get a safety plan that includes getting important documents, keys, money, clothes, passports, address books etc. out of the house. Tell neighbors or co-workers to call 911 when the perpetrator comes around. Teach the children where to run to safety. Keep hotline phone numbers handy. Reassure your employer that you will in fact be coming back to work. Change routines (drive a different route to work at different times). Get support, get a restraining order, change locks, don't stay alone. "What can I do as a supervisor to help?" Be aware of the signs of domestic violence (unusual absences etc). Maintain confidentiality and be sensitive to the seriousness of the situation. Listen and believe her without judging. Know that she may not leave right away (often it takes years), let her know that you will be there for her when and if she decides to leave. Keep domestic violence hotline numbers in the lobby, restrooms etc. Be patient, don't force her to disclose (the humiliation she feels may be too overwhelming for her to discuss). Consult with HR to have a written no violence policy in place. Train the staff on domestic violence. Follow up with her. Don't say, "Why don't you just leave?" Instead try "Have you though about a safety plan?" "I'm here if you need me". Have employees volunteer at a local shelter or donate your product to a shelter. Allow flextime for the woman to be able to go to court or leave work at unexpected times, to deter the inevitable stalking. "Why should her problem affect the rest of my staff?" Co-workers may start to feel similar feelings of the victim. Initially stunned and cynical. Later, anger, sorrow, frustration, terror, numbness, defenselessness, and bewilderment. When the victim is anxious, the anxiety becomes infectious to co-workers. Colleagues begin to feel a loss of security and control. Co-workers may suffer sleep disturbances and a sense of helplessness. Hyper vigilance may preoccupy employees. When foreboding takes over the workplace then efficiency will decrease. Julie Ireland is a Professional Speaker, Comedian, and Therapist who has worked in the domestic violence field for 30 years.
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